Don't mess with these ladies
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy," Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks  around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk". The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper."Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."

Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer. "I'm
going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked." My wife," said the man.

The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the country to destroy the morale of al-Qaeda zealots by proving the
non-existence of God.

Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, or 'Black Berets', will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris' Left Bank, their first action will be to establish a number of pavement Cafes at strategic points near the front lines. There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly about the absurd nature of life and Man's lonely isolation in the universe. They will be accompanied by a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends who will further
spread dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every five minutes and looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.

Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate Belmondo, a very
intense and unshaven young man in a black pullover, gesticulated wildly and said, "The al-Qaeda are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous. There is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliette, I am talking."

Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on Man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault and the films of Alfred Hitchcock and Jerry Lewis. However, humanitarian agencies have been
quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive smoking from the Frenchmens' endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible toll on civilians in the area.

Speculation was mounting last night that Britain may also contribute to the effort by dropping Professor Stephen Hawking into Afghanistan to propagate his non-deistic theory of the creation of the Universe. Other tactics proving the non-existence of God include the dropping of leaflets pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson
has a new album out and Jesse Helms has not died yet. This is only one of several Psy-Ops operations mounted by the Allies.

CNN/Reuters: News reports have filtered out early this morning that US forces have swooped on an Iraqi Primary School and detained 6th Grade teacher Mohammed Al-Hazar. Sources indicate that, when arrested, Al-Hazar 
was in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator.

US President George W Bush argued that this was clear and overwhelming evidence that Iraq indeed possessed weapons of maths instruction.

Please note I don't agree with all of these!!!

50 THINGS WOMEN CAN'T DO
1. know anything about a car except its colour
2. understand a film plot
3. go 24 hours without sending a text message
4. lift
5. throw
6. run
7. park
8. fart
9. read a map
10. rob a bank
11. resist Ikea
12. sit still
13. tell a joke
14. play pool
15. pay for dinner
16. eat a kebab whilst walking
17. pee out of a train window
18. argue without shouting 19. get told off without crying
20. understand fruit machines
21. walk past a shoe shop
22. make a decent bacon sandwich
23. not comment on a strangers clothes
24. use small amounts of toilet paper
25. let you sleep with a hangover
26. drink a pint gracefully 27. get a round in
28. throw a punch
29. do magic
30. like your friends
31. enjoy porn
32. eat a really hot curry
33. get to the point
34. buy plain envelopes
35. take less than 20 minutes in the toilet
36. sit in a room for five minutes without saying "I'm cold"
37. go shopping without telephoning 20 mates
38. avoid credit card debt
39. dive into a pool
40. assemble furniture
41. roll a bogey between finger and thumb
42. set a video recorder
43. not try and change you
44. watch a war film
45. understand why flirting results in violence
46. spend a day by themselves 47. go to the toilet by themselves
48. buy a purse that fits in their pocket
49. choose a video quickly
50. get this far without having argued with at least 1 of the above

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some recent winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

The Post also invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of those winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid (e.g.: "I'm a doctor...")
4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (this one got extra credit)
9. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Glibido: All talk and no action.
11. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
12. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an assho!e.

WOMEN ARE LIKE FOOTBALL GROUNDS
1.      There is a vast difference in grounds  with regards to length and width, thus varying the  quality of the play.
2.       Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.
3.      Remember it is possible to score at both  ends.
4.      Tackling from  behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner.
5.      Be  careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but  in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground.
6.      Only some grounds offer  five-a-side facilities.
7.       Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also never mention pitches previously visited.
8.      Extra time is dependent on subsequent  pitch bookings.
9.      If the  ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact coroner.
10.     When building a team it is always nice to  finish with Seaman at the back.
11.     Wet pitches allow for long sliding  tackles.
12.     Always ask before  leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel. Conversely,  DO NOT expect to be allowed to come straight from the tunnel to the goal mouth and score.  That can leave an awful taste in the  mouth
of the pitch owner and may prevent further use of  the ground.
13.     Personal morals may be compromised  by local derbies.
14.     It is  illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches.
15.     From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed  by a highly absorbent goalie.
16.     Russian grounds are frequently more  grassy.
17.     French grounds are  frequently very nice to look at, however there can sometimes be an awful smell  from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should.
18.     Very few grounds are found with  executive boxes.
19.     Be wary of  grounds with room for coaches.
20.     Always be on the look out for grounds that  host ladies football two evenings a week.
21.     Pitches with a waterlogged end, can  be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if you  piss the owner off by continually asking to play up the good end  instead.
22.     Players will have to agree personal  terms with the club, before being allowed to play on the  turf.
23.     Don't forget that if  you use your hands in the area you may be penalised.
24.     As the  spot can be very indistinct on some pitches you may need to ask the pitch owner  to help you locate it. It is a good idea to re-mark it in white each time you  play.
25.     If there is a strong wind you need  to be careful which end you choose.
26.     Use your subs wisely so that you have a hard  man on for the climax of the game.  You shouldn't  bring him off too soon.
27.     It  is best not to admit to having played on a plastic pitch

Ireland Declares War on Iraq

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armoured personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 
1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Really?" said Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ted's 
ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have a thousand bombers, 500 MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy "We've all had a chat, and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."

This is really a beautiful story. Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and
we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for
giving someone a valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't
think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a
valentine to?"

"Saddam Hussein," she says.

"Why Saddam Hussein ?" her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American
Jewish girl could have enough love to give Saddam a
valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.

And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Saddam, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter
with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in
the open, the Uk & Us Forces could blow the nuts out of him."

Q: What's the national bird of Iraq?
A: DUCK!

Q: What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
A: You shout out, "B-52"

Q: Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Q: What does Saddam Hussein have in common with Fred Flintstone?
A: They both can look out of their window and see rubble!

Q: Have you heard about the new Royal Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.

Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?
A: He's the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.

Iraqi Peace Talks

Saddam Hussein and George Bush meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When George Bush sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. 

They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face.

Confused, Bush carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Bush carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries.

But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much 
without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Hussein notices three buttons on Bush's chair and prepares 
himself for the Yank's revenge. They begin talking and Bush presses the first button. Saddam ducks, but nothing happens. bush snickers. A few seconds later he presses the second button. Saddam jumps up, but again nothing happens. bush roars with laughter. When the third button is pressed, Saddam jumps up again, and again nothing happens. Bush falls on the floor in 
a fit of hysterics.

"Forget this," says Saddam. "I'm going back to Baghdad!"

Bush says through tears of laughter, "What Baghdad?"

President George Bush is visiting an elementary school today and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, "tragedy."

So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy." "No," says Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist like Osama bin Laden, 
that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic," exclaims Bush, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an  accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Feeling unappreciated at work?

New York Times 1-22-03

Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.

George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but
nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend.

His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. He was
always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."

A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died.

You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally.

Moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.

SYMPTOMS OF BEING 25+

1. You leave clubs before the end to "beat the rush".
2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going clubbing.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops.
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46.
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.
8. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they'll be all right for the garden.
9. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
10. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man for the car to deter would-be thieves.
11. You start to worry about your parents' health.
12. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
14. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.
15. Pop music all starts to sound crap.
16. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white.
17. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
18. You always have enough milk in.
19. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into
your parents.
20. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
21. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
22. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.
23. You wish you had a shed.
24. You have a shed.
25. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day...."
26. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy Young has some really interesting guests on.
27. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.
28. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.
29. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.
30. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the 20s gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have
kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on p**sing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a swift
halfturns into 10 pints, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, ...
31. You find yourself saying "is it cold in here or is it just me?"

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." The sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! 

I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Irish boy goes to confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, Tis I."

"And who was the woman you were with?"

"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Kelly?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Brydie Shannon?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

"Was it Mary Catherine Morgan?"

"My lips are sealed Father."

"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad,  Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

Tommy replied, "Three month's vacation and five good leads."

A woman stopped by, unannounced, at her recently-married son's house.

She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. 

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work,"
the daughter-in-law answered.

"But, you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law
explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she
explained.

"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in
this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages
me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she
undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed
the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on the couch
waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw
her lying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings.
3. People who want to share their religious views with you hardly ever want you to share yours with them.
4. You should not confuse your career with your life.
5. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.